A Letter to Krishna
Hey Krishna,
I love singing this mantra for You every day—each day, each moment. It keeps me connected to Your transcendental vision: as Gopāla, the gentle cowherd; as a loving friend; as the divine beloved; and as the magical force who can transform my life into that of the Gopikas—Your purest and most exalted devotees in Vrindavan.
My Lord, I call myself Your servant… yet I wonder—am I truly even that? As we say in ISKCON, dāsa-anudāsa—the servant of the servant. To reach even that humble position, I must purify my Krishna consciousness and loosen my grip on this material world to which I still cling.
At times, I feel as if I am hanging onto a fragile rope, suspended far above Vaikuṇṭha—Your eternal abode. I keep hoping that one day, by Your mercy alone, that rope will gently pull me upward and grant me even a tiny glimpse, a small fraction, of Your divine realm.
With tears in my eyes, I perform ārati to You and Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī in the small mandir I have made with love and devotion. In those moments, my heart feels close to You… yet my soul still longs for something deeper.
I often wonder—will I ever be able to cross this vast ocean of miseries?
O Krishna… when will I truly understand Your divine magic? When will You turn Your enchanting flute toward me and draw me completely into surrender at Your lotus feet?
I keep speaking to You, my beautiful and charming Vrindavan Bihari Lāl Ji. Everything in this world feels so uncertain, so unclear. Yet my mind remains fixed only on You, my Krishna…
Sometimes, it feels like I am sailing in two boats—this is the duality of life.
On one side, as a Sadhaka, I long to be with You in Krishna-loka, in Vaikuṇṭha. I am ready to become anything You wish—even an ant, a cow, or a dog—just to remain in Your service.
On the other side, I find myself struggling in this material world, in the body given by You—going through the cycles of life, being tested through difficulties, churned by hardships. Perhaps You are examining me, my Lord… seeing whether I am truly Your child, or merely pretending.
Shloka (Bhagavad Gita 18.66)
“Abandon all varieties of duties and simply surrender unto Me alone. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear.”
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