Sitting with My Thoughts and Krishna

                       

“An empty mind is a devil’s workshop.”

Lately, I have been trying to keep my mind engaged through writing. Maybe that is why I started blogging—just to give some direction to my thoughts. Otherwise, the mind keeps wandering everywhere.

But somewhere inside, I feel… even this effort is not really mine. If You do not wish it, O Krishna, how can I even think, write, or express anything? .T

There was a time—during my teenage years—when life felt simple. I had friends in my neighborhood. We used to play, laugh, and spend time together without any complications. Even helping my mother in the kitchen felt nice and meaningful in its own small way. But slowly, everything changed.

Today, those friends are no longer part of my daily life. Now, most of the time, I am either with my thoughts… or thinking about You.

Once, I heard a monk say that everything in our life happens only by Krishna’s grace.  Even the ability to remember something, to understand something, or to express something—is given by Him. If someone wants to write about the Lord, it can happen only when He allows it.

That thought has stayed with me.

And it makes me wonder—Is my mind working because of You?

Are my good and bad thoughts also coming because of You?  If everything is Your will, then when I feel unhappy… should I accept that also as Your wish?.  Sometimes I feel peaceful thinking like that.

But sometimes, my Lord, my heart becomes confused. If You are Sarva Karana Karanam—the cause of all causes—then what is my role in all this? Am I truly responsible for my actions, or am I simply walking on a path that You have already written for me?

I do understand the law of karma—that every action has its reaction. Yet, I am still a human being, breathing and living under the influence of my senses, even if only to a small extent. At times, I get carried away without even realizing it.

And if my destiny is already shaped by Your will, then why do people blame me for things that were never fully in my control… when You alone are the supreme controller?

O Krishna, I do not question You in defiance—only in helplessness. Like a child who does not understand, I simply look toward You, hoping that one day, You will make everything clear. 

In the end, my Lord, I place all my thoughts at Your feet, whether I understand or not, please just keep me close to You.

I am tired of these worldly duties, my Lord… I only wish to return to You.” Guide my mind, my words, and my actions. Help me remember You in every situation.

Even if I feel confused, let my faith in You stay strong.

I offer my humble gratitude to Srila Prabhupada for guiding souls like me toward You.

Hare Krishna 🙏

Your hunble servant Lord

Pranradha Devi Dasi